the new year

yes it has already started, and i've had this uneasiness of school. it's slowly dawning on me that i'm not as intelligent as i wish to be, and it sucks. i hate not understanding things, academically and otherwise. it's so frustrating, and i'm just trying to be as good as i can but then there are those darn distractions and those losses of slef control. eep, and the worst part is me knowing that i need to stay focused and me seeing myself drifting away. haha that's the ultimate sadness. sigh.
i need to buckle down.
i need some smart juice, can you buy that? sigh.

anyhoots, umm new years was pretty great. actually went to chelseas and kyles, had ablast. going to really miss those seniors next year, sigh. haha and yeah, responsibility is my middle name son, ;) haha
i miss dancing, i need it. not ballet though, i mean i love ballet. i need like.. lyrical. i need it stat! bahh..

but yeah. did i tell you that i was quite over all the crap drama that goes on and about. but you know what, i have realized that i actually do keep grudges, but i'm just able to override them i suppose. but they're still there, deepdown. which is pointless i know, but i can't elp myself. sigh, girls, boys, all the same. all stupid. all pointless factors of life to make you feel good or bad.

speaking of boys, it'd be super excellent to be taken by one, but slowly actually very quickly realizing that i am just not anything special in anyone's eyes like that, you feel me?
it sucks yeah,
but what can i do about it?

nothing!