winter

sure brings out the coldness in some people :)

haha whatever,
tired of worrying and caring about stupid instances as these. if somethings the matter, say so, don't play games! haha but it's okay,
i know which people really mean a lot to me, and which people could care less for me!
and it's alright, i understand i'm not perfect! but i just can't deal with stupid nonsense like this anymore,
!

xoxo

break

has begun, and it's fantastic. kinda.
saturday-

dinner with the ladies and few boys. fantastic, lots of loving :) haha some randomness, but other than that, quite swell, and learned that my lips feel like pillows. and had a fantastic night with gina! :D

sunday-

woke up early, went shopping everywhere from noon til 7, no joke. fantastic.

monday-

video party, lame sauce, but then yellow light game, milk drinking, puking, steven's birthday.



sigh. if only some boys didn't act like little girls, seriously i have a right to be affected by this. no joke, shady as a freaking tree. but whatever, i realize that i just don't care. i dont care about things that make me bummed out, because that's just energy wasted. so bye for now, and catch you at the next exciting event :)
xox

and another thing!

ok now i'm being a bit more direct,
but come ON. when i have something dripping with sarcasm, and a boy agrees to it.. that's just sad.
for example, tooootally hypothetical situation.

'a guy who is superficial and gorgeous with no personality that i can use as my arm candy'
and a boy replies

babe, i can be this boy :)


totally serious.

HELLO? does this concern anyone else but myself!?


oy vey, boys who i have yet to meet, please prove me wrong that boys are all idiots.

irritation?

you know what really irritates me? when guys are so.. needy. or like, i dont know i can't even explain. when you try and give a new guy a chance and want to like him or whatnot, this is hypothetical of course, but if he just starts grilling you, asking if you think he's cute or not, doesn't that just burst your bubble and kill the mood? and if he keeps persisting on and on and on and on.. it just bugs.
also, note to you guys, it isn't wise to call a girl 'lazy' or 'fatty' all the time, or to text her at like 6 in the morning telling her to wake up. it must seem cute in that oddly constructed mind of yours, but chances are.. it's not too amiable.


it isn't a good sign when we're texting and i'm rolling my eyes contemplating on if i should even reply. hahaha.



i don't know why i settle for this, for less. is it because i can't get more? i think so. oh goodness, what a life i'm about to live with this dissatisfaction.

control

i'm having a sort of issue with that word, control. more or less i feel like i'm not having enough of it, and others are patronizingly using it towards me. listen everyone, please. don't tell me what to do, don't tell me who i can and cannot like, don't tell me what i should or should not say, and especially don't be a hypocrite. don't tell me one thing as if you're trying to protect me, when you go off and do it yourself. really, thank you for the effort, i appreciate it. but seriously, stop it. i would love to have control over my own life if that would be so much to ask for. so please just stop.
on a side note, i'm not sure why i'm having a scuffle with myself internally against a friend haha, it's kind of sad but i dont even care. he/she is bothersome and it's unbelievable and i dont know why and it's sad but like i said, i don't even care. sad story, i know.

as for a nice outlook on life.. what is going on, haha. why do i find myself asking myself over and over and over what could be different, what was it about me that is different from the others?
i ponder and ponder, yet nothing comes to mind. it blows, sigh.


i need something stable, stability but not controlling.

catharsis

i've missed spilling

spilling my secrets, my thoughts, my inner being. whenever i come to a down moment, i cant even begin to look at that xanga any longer, it's so somber, i cant hold it in.

but blah, let's just start off new shall we.

ballet is over, but i need a catharsis. i'm going to end up as a chump if i don't do anything about it. school needs to end soon, i'm at a breaking point with homework and procrastination. everyday, it's such a burden to go, such a burden to see my friends too, which is odd. i like my friends, for the most part. it's hard to think of the near future, college, best friends leaving me. i hate thinking about it,
so i don't.

ah, events approaching.
tomorrow;
ayala rally
basketball game
saturday;
hopefully watching the cc play
19th;
break
20th;
dinner
22nd/23rd;
video party

so ready for something new. so ready.

i'll keep this posted, :)
something fresh, something new
i'm lovin it.

xoxo